Stardate: May 1999
Previous Log: April 99 Separated at birth 24th MAY – From David Perry, London: Have any other Shipmates noticed the remarkable resemblance between Graham Norton, the stern yet compassionate spokesman for the rights of oppressed minorities, and the Right Rev John Sentamu, the bubbly, humorous and unpredictable TV performer visible daily on every channel? I wonder if they could be by any chance related? 
Taking baptism a bit too far24th MAY – David Stuckey of Liverpool snapped the picture on the left while he was on holiday in Zell am See in Austria recently. Presumably, this photographer guarantess total immersion while he's developing your prints.Can't be there? See it on MessiahCAM!
23rd MAY – The legendary east gate of Jerusalem has been wired so that believers can watch the second coming live as they surf the Net. The gate, known as 'the Golden Gate', was walled up in 1530 and according to Jewish and Christian legend will only be unsealed at the coming of the Messiah. Now MessiahCAM is keeping a watchful eye out for any movement in the masonry, offering a daily live picture of the gate.The site is run by a pro-Israel Christian group headed by evangelist Christine Darg (pictured). They are also offering a conference, '7 Days of Glory in Jerusalem', between 27 December 1999 and 2 January 2000 – 'a conference that will span two millennia to praise, worship and glorify the soon-coming King of Kings to the City of Peace.' A must for anyone who wants to book their ringside seat for the rapture. Kentucky Fried Bishop 15th MAY – William Scholes of Belfast writes: Here in the Church of Ireland, among the 'dirty dozen' that make up the ship of fools that is our House of Bishops, there is a man called Harold Miller, who is bishop of Down and Dromore diocese. Among his many attributes, by far the most arresting is his uncanny resemblance to Colonel Sanders, the hirsute American fast food pioneer and founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Gnosticism: the musical15th MAY – Another song has reached us from the inspired pen of Rev Alexandra Coe which will thrill patristic scholars everywhere.Last month she hymned the vexed issue of gay ordination, while this month she gives us a number sung by that well-known trio, Clement and the Heretics (made up of Clement of Alexandria and his less orthodox buddies, Basilides and Valentinus). The tune? 'There's No Business Like Show Business.' Take it away, Clem...
There's no gnosis like true gnosis© Alexandra Coe 1999 
Dr Jekyll prescribes...14th MAY – Finding it hard to shake off a fiendish cold? All that sneezing playing the devil with your concentration? 666 Cold Preparation might be just what you need.The medicine, now 90 years old, was named after the original order number, and became popular because people could easily remember it. It was only in the 1970s, when 'The Omen' was released by Hollywood, that US consumers started wondering whether this cold preparation could be the medicine favoured by the Antichrist himself. This landed the drug in a spot of theological bother. Godfrey Daniels won the coveted 'Cruel Site of the Day' with his website that investigated the 666 medicine and the small Florida company that makes it. It contains a very funny interview with the company's receptionist, which was an education for her as much as for Daniels. Not to be missed... 
Magazine destined for top shelf position10th MAY – Third Way, the magazine of choice for Christians who want to keep abreast of the modern world, has published a rather (dare we say?) risque photograph of the prominent feminist, Beatrix Campbell, on the front cover of its May edition.SOF readers Tim and Helen Prevett alerted us to the picture, taking special glee in pointing out that the photo appears above a headline that is funny in its own right: 'Everything is always harder for women'. Huw Spanner, publisher of Third Way, assures us that he has written to the UK Christian bookshops to suggest that they display the magazine on their top shelf. For a more detailed look at this outstanding picture, simply click the magazine cover.
Gone to a better plaice
9th MAY – Custom-built coffins are well known in Ghana, West Africa, where coffins hand-modelled in the shape of fish (see right), lobsters, shoes, onions, a Mercedes and even a bottle of Beck's Beer are used to reflect the character or occupation of the deceased.But customized coffins are now appearing in Dallas, Texas. The White Light casket company is producing an 'Art Casket' series that is raising a smile at even the most sombre funerals. For golfers who are now terminally below par, there is the 'Fairway to Heaven' model, with a picturesque golf course on the lid. And the 'Return to Sender' model adds a theological touch, with the coffin shaped like a wrapped cardboard box ready for shipping to the Pearly Gates. The company has disclosed that they have an order from a bowling enthusiast, who wants to be buried in a bowling pin-shaped casket. However, there is apparently a limit to bad taste. The company has already refused to make a coffin shaped like a nude woman, or one with 'Straight to Hell' printed on the side. Virus alert (oh yeah?)9th MAY – The SOF mailbox keeps receiving a hoax virus warning that must have been cooked up in the fevered mind of a beleaguered fundamentalist. It reads:
If you receive an e-mail titled "IT TAKES GUTS TO SAY JESUS" please "DO NOT OPEN IT". It will erase everything on your hard drive. This information was announced yesterday morning from IBM; AOL states that this is a very dangerous virus, much worse than "Melissa", and that there is NO remedy for it at this time. We've been receiving this message for many months, so it's interesting to see that the Melissa virus (from April 99) has now been inserted into it. If you've been receiving any other fundy viruses, please let us know. Move aside, Shroud of Turin
5th MAY – Ship of Fools reader Rev Dr Andrea P. Baldyga has drawn our attention to the sudden appearance of an image of Jesus at the Church of the Good Shepherd in Warehem, Massachusetts.The image, which appeared when the church cupboards were being given a long overdue rub-down, shows a long-faced Christ with more than a passing resemblance to Edvard Munch's famous painting, 'The scream'. According to the Episcopal Times of Massachusetts, one evening in early January, several parishioners came to the church to stain the closet doors on the third floor. The birch doors have a rich grain, and as the wood stain soaked in, a previously unnoticed image began to emerge – a face with familiar long hair, parted in the middle, and a beard. Roseanne Leverone, who was the first to see the face of Jesus in the wood grain, exclaimed, 'It's a miracle, a real miracle!' The church's rector, Rev Cuthbert Mandell, was not so sure. 'I don't know what it is and I don't know what it is not,' he helpfully told a local newspaper. He added: 'It did not occur at Wal-Mart, or in the Catholic Church or Pentecostal church. It was in an Episcopal church which is Protestant, so we don't pray to it.'
In a pre-emtive strike against wonder-seeking crowds, the church suspended public viewings of the door, but said it would consider making it publicly available for people to see it as an aid to meditation.
Cartoon by Dave Walker.
'The one shown here contains the Lord's Prayer, a "portion" of the New Testament and even a few illustrations. It ends with a blank section for births, marriages, and deaths, just in case you want to record your family history in a Bible the size of an eraser' (photo courtesy Jack Gurner).
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2nd MAY – Did you know that miniature Bibles were sold in vending machines in the 1950s and 60s? Neither did we, until we came across Raphael Carter's website, which has a page cataloguing the