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No.2: Rain Man

• First bread... then fish... now BROLLIES, for Dad's sake! I've just GOT to get these HANDS FIXED!
  Linda Schreiber (leoandlinda@provide.net)

• This one doesn't work. It will be yours Judas. You won't be using it for long anyways.
  Robert Persely (persely@aol.com)

• Go into all the world, making disciples of all nations, and me Mum says to take a brelly with you and she'll see you at Walsingham.
  Geoffrey Collis (NghtyVicar@aol.com)

• I ordered brunch with the fellas, not a bunch of umbrellas!
  Mike JHackson (mbjackson)

• Whats this? I asked you to bring me lost souls, not lost property!
  Stewart Brown (wet_rats@hotmail.com)

• I warned them about 'speaker spray' at a Tony Campolo rally, but would they listen? Quick Peter, get these to the front two rows!
  Jim G (bethelfb@citytel.net)

• When I said I liked those umbrellas in the wine glasses for communion, I was thinking of something a bit smaller!
  Andrew Scholl (dudleythedragon@yahoo.com)

• Sorry, guys, I guess my 'Peace, be still!' just isn't what it used to be... you'll just have to use these.
  Matt Enlow (matt@aglance.com)

• Waiter! Get rid of this lot! I distinctly ordered bread and wine....
  Ian Black (ianblack@easynet.co.uk)

• Oh ye of little faith! You thought it was only possible with loaves and fishes.
  George Lambert (lambcom@hotmail.com)

• The tithe from Seattle is in!
  Bob Adams (badams@myrias-mx.com)

• Oops...wrong prayer! Fellows, dinner will be a little late tonight. How about calling out for pizza?
  Greg Hinson (gshinson@yahoo.com)

• Okay, this is the last time, so listen! I said 'God sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous' so everybody take one. You too, Judas.
  Jimbo (quantumboy2@yahoo.com)

• Sack the translator! I said my *reign* was about to begin!
  David Perry (dperry@css-research.co.uk)

• And if any town refuses to receive you, hit them over the head with one of these and say 'Uvavu'.
  Gerry (u9556982@queens-belfast.ac.uk)

• It was supposed to turn into 2500 white sliced loaves and a tin of sardines!
  Mary Brown (m.brown@rgu.ac.uk)

• Where's Judas? Is this some kind of joke? I asked him to take care of the catering. I knew I couldn't count on him.
  Mike Moore (moorem@ipfw.edu)

• I'd just fed 5000 people and it started to throw it down, so this little kid said to me 'I suppose you want my umbrella now don't you?'
  Geoff (geoffrey.wilcox@which.net)

• Hey, I'm sorry. I'm just a little rusty with the miracles. I never said I was perfect.
  Mike Moore (moorem@ipfw.edu)

• OK... maybe I do have a spending problem with the Home Shopping Network. It just SEEMED like a good deal!
  Mike Moore (moorem@ipfw.edu)

• Yes, I know Mary Poppins looked neat with one, but – hey, trust me! – come the Rapture, you really won't need them
  Archipelago Spleen (russ@brav.freeserve.co.uk)

• This is my brolly...
  Richard Watson (revd.richard.watson@net.ntl.com)
  John Mitchell (mtchll@globalnet.co.uk)
  Simon (simon.pettitt@stedmundsbury.anglican.org)

• Duh! Peter! I said 'the reign' of the Kingdom of God.
  Philip Adams (pka@clara.net)

• Does anyone remember which one is mine?
  Herb Vanderbeek (hvbeek07@calvin.edu)

• Or suppose a man has ten black umbrellas and loses one. Does he not search Network SouthEast Lost Property Department until he finds it?
  Mike Burke (Mikburke@aol.com)

• Shine, Jesus, Shine!
  John Thorogood (rev@johnthevicar.demon.co.uk)

• No none of these are mine. Mine is rainbow colored.
  Chris Ingersoll (cingerso@nrtco.net)

• Oh, Judas, you're always the first to put up your hand for an umbrella!
  Neil Stacey (neil.stacey@nottingham.ac.uk)

• You're right, Peter, 'The Feeding of the Five Thousand Commuters' doesn't quite sound right.
  Dave Chillman (david.chillman@bigfoot.com)

• Wine into Umbrellas, Jesus, can't you do any better?
  Matthew Sayers (95093240@humber.ac.uk)

• So I'll see you guys out on the boat tomorrow for lunch. Now, in case I get stuck in traffic...
  david rayner (fanap@mountains.net.au)

• Bless, O Lord, these umbrellas for our use, and ourselves for your service.
  Anthony Hitsman (tonyhit@globetrotter.net)

• And, lo, after everyone had recieved their umbrella, there remained still 12 baskets of lost property.
  Arani Sen (as289@cam.ac.uk)

• Yea, this is the 'lost but now I'm found' department.
  David (shakey@bellatlantic.net)

• O ye of little faith. Hath I not told you that we are expecting a warm front in from the west?
  Paul Powell (paulp@sucs.swan.ac.uk)

• What do you mean, you couldn't get loaves and fish!
  Jeremy Pemberton (jeremy@pembers.surfaid.org)

• Thank ME we're not in Canada!
  Robert Persely (persely@aol.com)

• I've got a surprise: I'm sending you ALL to England!
  Geoffrey Collis (NghtyVicar@aol.com)

• Loaves, fishes, umbrellas – how many times do I have to PROVE myself to you people?
  Kathleen Sweeney (kathleen.sweeney@tfn.com)

• I guess Michael Fish got it wrong again.
  Tim Loat (tim.loat@lineone.net)

• Take, eat, this is my brolly...
  John Lawrence (john.lawrence@cheerful.com)

• OK, OK, one more try... Fishes... fishes... fishes
  Nick R (Angel@argonaut.com)

• Take nothing with you but an umbrella – no bread, no beggar's bag, no money in your pockets. If you come to a town where you are not welcomed, shake the rain off your brolly. That will be a warning to them.
  Gareth Child (gareth@laude.freeserve.co.uk)

• Last year it was socks, the year before it was hankies, have you seen what I've had for Christmas this year!
  Peter Mawer (phmawer@portables1.ngfl.gov.uk)

• These too, once were lost, but now are found. And now we are stuck with too damn many of them.
  Ed Bertschy (elb@azstarnet.com)

• Heard that the bishop was doing the Asperges this Sunday!
  Mary Lee Dreisbach (dirchred@aol.com)

• Parasol, parasol, why dost thou persecute me?
  Richard Shore (atroposeur@aol.com)

• Blessed are the umbrellas, for they shall keep you dry.
  Kevin Pederson (kevin@pederson.com)

• Oops! Guess I wasn't paying attention. Those snakes were supposed to turn into French sticks!
  Joel Scott (joelscott@postmaster.co.uk)

• Thanks,Peter, but I don't think this is the solution to that 'faith to walk on water' problem you guys are having.
  SIssie (sitnalta@cableone.net)

• This is my brolly, do this as often as it rains.
  John Dawson (John_Dawson)

• Judas, don't you think flogging these to the multitudes as 'touched-by-Jesus holy brollies' is a touch opportunistic?
  Sue (raeburn@global.net.au)

• And I will raise all umbrellas on the last day.
  joanne richards (clairmar@mail.bigpond.com)

• OK, boys. The fishsellers and the money changers have come around to our way of thinking. Starting tomorrow, Solomon's is going to be the biggest outlet for umbrellas and leather goods in Jerusalem.
  stephen dare (oscarwilde@aol.com)

• These are all black, but my mother only wears blue!
  Mark Amey (MarkAmey@Cuddesdon.swinternet.co.uk)

• Gentlemen, choose your weapons.
  linus (david@wastebusters.co.uk)

• I ordered bread and wine, not Chinese umbrellas!
  Kristy Thomson (Kristy_Morgan@msn.com)

• The rain falls on the Just,
  but also on the Unjust Fella',
  But more upon the Just because...
  the Unjust steals the Just's umbrella
  Donna (dhmcewan@globalnet.co.uk)

• Find your umbrella, John? Who do you think I am, some sort of miracle worker?
  Paul Carr (roguemeister@usa.net)

• Forty? You offer me forty sheckels? They cost me fifty and you offer forty?
  Nigel Antare

• Peter... what exactly do you mean by, 'If the Messiah thing fails you can always go into gents' accessories'?
  Dyfrig Lewis (dlewis@rutland.gov.uk)

• I told you I came to 'find that which was lost' – and here it is!
  Phil (phil@isidesign.com)

• You paid HOW MUCH for these?
  douglas martin (dchmartin@zdnetmail.com)

• Be kind, these umbrellas were all football managers in a previous life.
  Bill Soulsby

• I wish The Travelers insurance group would stop trying to get my endorsement.
  Kurt S. (kurtaseidler@earthlink.net)

• For the Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost.
  Huw Spanner (editor@thirdway.org.uk)

• The disciples were taken aback when they learned that Jesus' day job was running the Jerusalem public transport lost property office.
  Dave Killingback (nr420@lamp.ac.uk)

• Hey, if it's a dozen, there's one too many.
  Herb Crandell (hccjr@flint.umich.edu)

• Well, Robin, with all these umbrellas, it could only mean one thing – The Penguin!!!
  Stephen Pierce (Melchysedek@webtv.net)

• For the mission to Britain, the disciples felt the loaves and fishes miracle needed slight modification.
  Helen Neil (L.H.Neil@sms.ed.ac.uk)

• No, I'll take two. We must support church jumble sales.
  mike fox (101707.2322@compuserve.com)

• I said, 'bring your follies to the Lord'...
  Joanna McVeagh (JoannaMcV@aol.com)

• This, gentlemen, is my visual way of telling you that my name will be used as an umbrella term to justify every crackpot and madman from now until the final days.
  Benjamin Wiggins (ben@terndale.freeserve.co.uk)

• And Jesus said unto them: 'Do not open these umbrellas indoors, ledt ye incur bad luck.'
  Cynthia A. Gilliatt (gilliaca@jmu.edu)

• No, Pete, I said we could 'walk on water', not 'work under water'.
  Revd Stephen Bowring (sbowring@leicester.anglican.org)

• Is this your idea of a last supper?
  Kurt Seidler (kurtaseidler@earthlink.net)

© Ship of Fools 1999