WHEN ASLAN FINALLY appeared, he said, "Sorry about that, Lucy. I was a bit busy appearing as the Force in Star Wars II. How ya doing?"
"Oh Aslan, the Queen has a winter machine in there, and now she's got Ed. What can we do?"
"There's only one thing for it. I must give my life to buy Ed back from her, and then return from the dead to overcome her magic with Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time."
Lucy looked at him blankly. But before she could say, "Sorry, I just can't relate to that", Aslan's boss, Emperor Rupert, The Emperor Over The Sea, was standing there in his yellow check trousers and scarf and red sweater. And he said...
No ya don't, ya bloody drongo"Well," said Aslan, "I suppose we could try lasers."
That old stuff is totally wrongo.
Find another way out of the trap
And cut out that religious crap.
"Cool!" said Lucy.
ARMED WITH LASERS, Lucy and Aslan fought their way past the guards. They found Ed tied up on a very scarey death machine and got him free with just seconds to spare.
"Thanks guys," he said. "And Aslan, I'm so sorry I betrayed you to the Queen for a Turkish Delight."
"No," said Aslan. "You mustn't blame yourself. It's no one's fault. You must try to accept yourself as you are."
"OK. Let's go get the Queen."
IN HER EVIL LABORATORY, the Queen rubbed her hands together with glee.
"What a jolly good lark this is!" she laughed. "They'll never stop me and my darling winter machine."
Just then the door burst open. In leapt Lucy, Ed and Aslan.
"Freeze!" cried Aslan.
"Duh!" she said.
"Oh yeah. OK – hold it right there! We've come to stop your evil ways."
"Evil? Who are you to judge my lifestyle choices?"
"Well, sure," said Aslan, "Fair point. But unfortunately your machinations and schemes are impinging on The Emperor Over The Sea's global monopoly, so we're going to have to close you down anyway. Come on, kids."
There was a burst of laser fire, a huge explosion, and the White Queen's winter machine was no more. The sun came out from behind a cloud, snowdrops popped up and the White Queen ran shrieking into the forest. With a jingle of sleighbells, representatives of all the major wintertime festivities appeared on the scene.
And to cap it all, Emperor Rupert gave free Sky dishes to everyone in Narnia.
"WE DID IT, ASLAN!" cried Lucy and Ed. "We beat the Queen and restored climactic eqilibrium."
"Yeah, good work, kids," chuckled Aslan. "It just goes to show what you can do if you believe in yourselves."
And so, thanks to the great Emperor, all the people of Narnia went back to their happy, peaceful and now extremely prosperous lives.
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