You're gunna catch men instead of fish!This week, we join the crowds by the shore of the Sea of Galilee (or should that be Liverpool Bay?) for a Scouser's version of Jesus and the miraculous catch of fish, taken from The Gospels in Scouse.
One day Jesus wus talkin to a big crowd on de sea shore. And as the crowd got biggern bigger de fellers at de back started shovin ter gerra good look at im. Dat put the top at on ut! Dare wasn't any crush barriers or nowt like dat. Tings soon started ter look nasty for everybody, an specially Jesus. E'd uv been smashed ter pulp by de stampede in no time if e adden acted smartly.
But dare was a cuppla fishin boats pulled up on de beach. Dare owners were by em washin out dare nets and listnin to im preachin, same time.
'Quick lads,' sed Jesus. 'Do us a favour, willya?'
Day cotton on quick an shoved one a de boats out in de water. Den Jesus opped in wid dem.
De fellers on de beach cud all see im den, do day stopped dare shovin and maulin, an Jesus wus able ter sit in de boat and talk to dem all in safety.
After e'd sed wot e wanted to e gev over an sed to de lad ood done im de good tern, 'Let's go out dare whur its deep. You deserve a good ketch fer dat.'
But dis feller – is name wus Peter – wasn't all dat keen. E'd bin at it all night. Catched nowt needer. Besides e wus a professional an didn't think much uv takin advice about fishin from a carpenter. Owever, Jesus jest smiled, so ter please im like Peter oisted de sail and off day goes.
But wen day chucked de nets over de side Peter laughed on de other side uv is gob. De nets shot down as if day'd caught a whale or summat. Before e cud scratch is ead dare was so many fish in de net day cudden pull it back by demselves.
'Ey, youse lot!' yelled Peter to is mates in t'other boat. 'C'mere!' An wen day came day filled both boats so full day nearly sank wid de weight.
You'd uv thought Peter'd uv bin as pleased a punch. But not im. E feel flat on is face in frunt uv Jesus an sed: 'Don't pal up wid me, Boss, I'm jest not good enough for you.'
But Jesus sed: 'Don't let dat worry yer, lad. From now on you're gunna catch men instead of fish.'
An wen day'd got ashore day left an follered im. Taken from The Gospels in Scouse (Dick Williams & Frank Shaw, White Lion Publishers Ltd, 1967). Reading 1: The Almighty said: 'Lighten up!' Reading 3: The Lord is my QorghwI… Reading 4: Take the bulletproof vest of faith! Top | Columns | Archive | SOF Home © Ship of Fools 1998 |